Nunsense!

I am feeling humorous tonight after watching "Nunsense".  To be a sister I feel as if one needs to have a sense of humor or at least to be a School Sister.  Everyone of the Sisters there seems to have one.  From the most serious Sister to the most humorous Sister they each have their own sense of humor unique to them.  So tonight I thought I would entertain you with some nunsense.

What do you call a sleep walking nun?

A roamin' Catholic

Why don't nuns do drugs?

They already have a habit! (that was stolen from "Nunsense")

A painter was hired to do some work on a local church. To recoup the cost of the discount he had given the church, he diluted his paint with turpentine. One day while he was up on the scaffolding, almost finished with the job, he heard a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened.  The rain washed the thinned paint off the church and knocked the painter off his scaffold and onto the ground below. He knew this was a warning from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: “Forgive me Lord! What should I do?” And from above the clouds boomed a voice: “REPAINT! REPAINT! AND THIN NO MORE!”

Know how to find the catholic "star wars" fans? They're the ones who reply to "may the force be with you" by saying "and also with you" (I've done this)

During a Eucharistic Congress, a number of priests from different orders are gathered in a church for Vespers. While they are praying, a fuse blows and all the lights go out.

The Benedictines continue praying from memory, without missing a beat.

The Jesuits begin to discuss whether the blown fuse means they are dispensed from the obligation to pray Vespers.

The Franciscans compose a song of praise for God's gift of darkness.

The Dominicans revisit their ongoing debate on light as a signification of the transmission of divine knowledge.

The Carmelites fall into silence and slow, steady breathing.

The parish priest, who is hosting the others, goes to the basement and replaces the fuse.

Jesus was walking along one day, when He came upon a group of people surrounding a lady of ill repute. It was obvious that the crowd was preparing to stone her, so Jesus made His now-famous statement, "Let the person who has no sin cast the first stone."
The crowd was shamed and one by one began to turn away. All of a sudden, a lovely little woman made her way through the crowd. Finally getting to the front, she tossed a pebble towards the woman.
Jesus looks over and says, "I really hate it when you do that, Mom."

A man walked up to a Franciscan and Jesuit and asked, "How many novenas must you say to get a Mercedes Benz?"
The Franciscan asked, "What's a Mercedes Benz?"
The Jesuit asked, "What's a novena?"

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, "You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?"
The driver is understandably hesistant and says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that."
But the Pope persists, "Please?" The driver finally lets up. "Oh, all right, I can't really say no to the Pope."
So the Pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes around 100 mph in a 45 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over.
The cop walks up and asks the Pope to roll down the window. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the Pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.
Cop: Chief, I have a problem.
Chief: What sort of problem?
Cop: Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit but it's someone really important.
Chief: Important like the mayor?
Cop: No, no, much more important than that.
Chief: Important like the governor?
Cop: Wayyyyyy more important than that.
Chief: Like the president?
Cop: More.
Chief: Who's more important than the president?
Cop: I don't know, but he's got the Pope driving for him! 

Lost on a rainy Friday night, a priest stumbles into a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, he's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips he's ever had.
After dinner, he goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs. He is met by two brothers, "Hello, I'm Brother Michael, and this is Brother Francis."
"I'm very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever tasted. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?"
Brother Francis replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."
Father turns to the other brother and says, "Then you must be...."
"Yes, I'm afraid I'm the chip monk..."  

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.  

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest, fingers crossed. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!" 

One day, a Dominican and a Jesuit were arguing about which order was better. The Jesuit said that the Gregorian was the best university, the Dominican that "at least in the Angelicum we still believe in God!" . And so forth and so forth. One day they get a letter from God that said the following:



"My Dear children, 

Stop arguing about which is greater, for I love you all anyhow."



Blessings,



God, O.S.F.

 So that was my humor for the evening...I will doing some more serious stuff here in the next few days now that Holy Week is over!  God Bless and Happy Easter!  He is Risen!!!