"Jesus, I Trust in You!"

Four years ago today, I was initiated into the Roman Catholic.  I had found my home and I was now a full member of the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Church.  I cannot believe that it has been that long ago.  It seems like just yesterday that I was talking to Fr. Michael and asking him about joining the Church and then a few short months later receiving the graces of Baptism and Confirmation and finally being able to receive Jesus, Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity, in the Eucharist.

 One of the parishioners told me that night that a chapter of my life was ending and a new chapter was beginning.  It was not really an end to the journey but really just a beginning.  I was not really sure what she meant at the time but I have come to understand.  When I was baptized I was given new life in Christ.  I now had to be Catholic.  I had to live out my Catholic faith.  I was now responsible for my faith.  I could not just sit around and claim that I am Catholic without the response.  Being Christian requires that response.  We are not called to just sit around saying we are Christian but to respond with love.  Our faith is dead without our works, our response:

"What use is it, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but he has no works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and be filled," and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that?  Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself.  But someone may well say, "You have faith and I have works; show me your faith without the works, and I will show you my faith by my works."  You believe that God is one You do well; the demons also believe, and shudder.  But are you willing to recognize, you foolish fellow, that faith without works is useless?  Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered up Isaac his son on the altar?  You see that faith was working with his works, and as a result of the works, faith was perfected; and the Scripture was fulfilled which says, "AND ABRAHAM BELIEVED GOD, AND IT WAS RECKONED TO HIM AS RIGHTEOUSNESS," and he was called the friend of God.  You see that a man is justified by works and not by faith alone. In the same way, was not Rahab the harlot also justified by works when she received the messengers and sent them out by another way?  For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead." James 2:14-26

 I have tried to respond to God's call each and everyday and it has been a wonderful journey.  That is not saying that the road has not been a rocky one at times.  I am human and life is messy but all in all it has been wonderful.  Even at those rocky moments knowing that I was no longer having to rely on my own strength and allowing God to work through me has been amazing!  I am just an instrument, a compass if you will, trying to always point toward God in all that I do and all that I say. 

I have come to point in my walk with Christ that all I can say about my future is "Jesus, I Trust in You!"  His plans are always better than ours.

The Skirt Battle...and Human Dignity

This post is less about the Sisters but a mere realization.  Lately, I feel like I'm called to wear more skirts and dresses versus always wearing jeans or khaki pants. Maybe it is because the weather is finally warming up here in Minnesota or maybe it is because I desire to dress more feminine; whatever the reason may be, it means that I needed to purchase a few more skirts.  I own like three and two of them are not for everyday.  So, for the past week or so I have been on the hunt; I have tried department stores, thrift stores, online stores and everything in between.  I have talked to friends and towns people and no such luck to find the long skirts that I desired.  I did find a really cute and simple black skirt that goes to my knees which was a $3 find and looks great with leggings!  WooHoo! But here is what I found out while doing my shopping...

1. It is impossible to find a long skirt that does not make woman in her early twenties look like she is a 50 year old.  I may like to dress conservatively but I do not want to look like I am twice my age. Jussayin'
2. If you do happen to find a long skirt whose pattern is age appropriate don't forget to look at the side of said skirt.  There is probably a slit going halfway up which makes it no longer appealing and modest.  Small slits are fine but ones all the way up past the knee not so much!
3. People are no longer aware of the dignity of the human person.  Skirts and fashion as a whole now a days are cut way to short or way to low.  

*Step onto soap box*
People are telling our young people that their dignity is based on what they wear and how much skin they show or how they look or how they do their hair etc..  Our dignity does not come from our outward appearances but from God alone.  We have dignity because we are all created in His image and likeness.  That is really amazing if you think about it.  Society tries to objectify, make us like objects, and put a price on our worth.  But really our worth can only be deemed by God alone because He is our creator and knows us intimately.  Our worth does not matter if we are fat or thin, blond or brunette or if you have fair skin or a nice deep tan.  None of this matters when we look at our worth and our dignity.  And yet we allow society to tell us to that we are only worth what people say we are worth.  You are priceless in the eyes of God.  God thought that we had so much dignity that He died for us in one of the least dignified ways, on a Cross.  He is worthy of our praise and love and yet He died for us so that we could live with Him forever.  Wow!  That still amazes me...EVERYONE has worth from the moment of conception to natural death. :)
*Steps off soap box*

So Why The Panhandle Franciscans?

Another question that I have received is, "Why this particular community?" This I suppose must start at the very beginning of the discernment process.  When I began this journey my junior year I knew that the community had to have a few select things including:

1.  A Habit-I desired a habit.  My thought was that if I am going to be a sister, I want to look like one. My reasoning has changed since then but we will address that later...
2. I wanted an order that taught and did youth ministry/faith formation.
3. I wanted them to have younger sisters...if that even existed, I was doubtful in the beginning.  I have been proven wrong since the initial judgment...
4. I wanted an order that was joyful and happy...I was not sure if that existed either. 
5. And most importantly I wanted a community that was active! I did not want a cloistered community. 

I realize now that my priorities were not exactly how they should have been but God used my willingness and eagerness to learn to mold what I desire in a community.  So know this is what I desire in a community and how the Panhandle Franciscans fulfill all of the "requirements" that I have.

1. PRAYER-This has become the most important aspect when looking at a community.  Without a strong prayer life then how am I to build that relationship to Christ, who will be my spouse. Also as a Sister, one is called to prayer, to pray for the Church, for the world, for the conversion of souls etc.  The School Sisters typically pray at least 4 times together;  morning, noon, evening, and night using the prayer of the Church, the Liturgy of the Hours.  I also desired a community that had Mass everyday or close to everyday.  The School Sisters have Mass everyday even if they have to drive 15ish miles to another parish.  They recognize the importance of the Mass and intimately receiving Christ each and every day.  Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament also became an important piece of prayer that I knew that I wanted to have on a consistent basis.  I thought that by looking at communities with "Perpetual Adoration" in their name that would mean that they would have Adoration daily or almost daily but unfortunately many of them did not.  The School Sisters have Adoration almost daily if not daily...I can't remember.  Adoration is crucial because it is our chance to adore Christ in the Blessed Sacrament and allow Him to love on us in return.  We stare into His Soul as He looks into ours.  There is an intimate connection between the Adorer and the Adoree.  It is such a beautiful thing.     
2. The Habit-Yes, that remained high on my list of important things.  Some people may think it is silly but I truly think that God uses the habit to draw people to a particular community. I want a habit because it would be a "sign of consecration and as a testimony of poverty" (Canon 669, 1) (Yes I did just quote some cannon law) It is also a Sister's wedding dress as she is a Bride of Christ...what woman does not dream of wearing a wedding dress.  A Sister gets to wear her's everyday!  I absolutely love the habit of the School Sisters.  Last time I was there I learned how to wash the habits which was very interesting and I was amazed by the habit.  I deeply desire the habit. Sister Mary Grace said "That wearing a habit is like wearing a billboard for Christ."  It truly is when you are wearing the habit you are a direct reflection of Christ.  There is no hiding it.  Even people who are not Christians recognize the habit and know that you have given your life for Christ.
3. Community-The Community was also important.  I still maintained that I wanted a community that was genuinely joyful and desired to love. I also wanted a community that knew how to have fun with each other.  I also wanted a community that had a variety of ages of Sisters.  The older Sisters have lots of wisdom that they can share with the younger Sisters.  However, I did not want a community where it was all elderly Sisters. I also wanted a community where I knew all the Sisters.  I did not want to be in a community so large that I could not learn all of the names and actually get to know them.  I think I found all of these things in this community...
4. Apostolates-I also wanted a community whose apostolates were education and youth ministry. You would think that this would be easy however, it was not.  I could typically find one or the other or the Sisters really did not show the passion for either of them.  I wanted the Sisters to be passionate about educating the youth and leading them closer to Christ.  The School Sisters definitely have this passion and this love for the youth!
5. Balanced Lifestyle: I wanted to make sure that the community had a balanced life.  One of prayer, work, and fun.  I did not want all prayer and no work or all work and little prayer.  I wanted a nice balance.  And this balance is relative; it all depends on the person and finding that fit for you.   
6. Marian: I wanted a community that loved Mary!  She is the Mother of God who is always interceding for us.  When a woman becomes a postulant she prepares and makes a simple consecration to the Blessed Mother.  When a woman enters the novitiate she chooses a new name and it has Mary or a form of Mary in it.  They also pray the Angelus three times a day, The Memorare, and the Most Holy Rosary daily.  I am sure I am missing other Marian points too. 

There are many other reasons that I feel called to the School Sisters but all will be revealed in time. 

This is the video that I made after my trip to Texas in March.  It really shows why I love them so much!  

Life Line in the Cities

This Saturday we went to the Cities for the Life Line.  It began with an amazing Mass which we discussed spiritual blindness. The actual Lifeline discussion this month was worship in the context of Holy Week which is coming upon us soon. Holy week is an ongoing liturgy that begins on Holy Thursday, then Good Friday, and then to the Resurrection which begins at the Easter Vigil on Saturday night.  These three liturgies are intimately intertwined. If one has never gone to all three of these liturgies you should!  As always this is a combination of notes and personal reflections upon what the speaker said and what happened. So let us begin...

What is worship?  Worship is when one realizes that God gave everything for you and you are giving oneself back to God.  Wow!  We are called to worship Christ constantly which means we are called to be constantly giving oneself back to God.  So many times we throw the phrase "Praise and Worship" around without full understanding what we are saying or doing.  How many time do we go to "Praise and Worship" just because we like the music or our friends are going or because it makes us feel good?  Worship does not always mean music. Yes, music is a beautiful way to worship Christ but it is not the only way.  When we pray we are worshiping Christ.  And the central act of worship in the Catholic Church is the Mass. At the Mass, we get to worship Christ, Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity.  Not only do we get to worship Him but we are allowed to receive Him into our bodies. What a beautiful gift! His Body becomes a part of our body.  His Precious Body and Blood nourishes our body but more importantly our soul.  How awesome is that to know that God is in you physically not just spiritually? 

HOLY THURSDAY

Now that we have a better understanding of what worship is let us move to Holy Thursday.  On Holy Thursday we celebrate the Last Supper. Let us first start with the Gospel of Mark...

On the first day of Unleavened Bread, when the Passover lamb was being sacrificed, His disciples said to Him, "Where do You want us to go and prepare for You to eat the Passover?"And He sent two of His disciples and said to them, "Go into the city, and a man will meet you carrying a pitcher of water; follow him; and wherever he enters, say to the owner of the house, 'The Teacher says, "Where is My guest room in which I may eat the Passover with My disciples?"' "And he himself will show you a large upper room furnished and ready; prepare for us there."The disciples went out and came to the city, and found it just as He had told them; and they prepared the Passover.When it was evening He came with the twelve.As they were reclining at the table and eating, Jesus said, "Truly I say to you that one of you will betray Me--one who is eating with Me."They began to be grieved and to say to Him one by one, "Surely not I?"And He said to them, "It is one of the twelve, one who dips with Me in the bowl. "For the Son of Man is to go just as it is written of Him; but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been good for that man if he had not been born." While they were eating, He took some bread, and after a blessing He broke it, and gave it to them, and said, "Take it; this is My body."And when He had taken a cup and given thanks, He gave it to them, and they all drank from it.And He said to them, "This is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many"

 The Jewish people celebrated the Passover to commemorate when God led the Israelites out of Egypt.  This was a time when God made the first covenant. He told the the Isrealites that "I am your God and you are my people"  This was the beginning of a relationship with the Isrealites.  

Jesus changed the Passover meal dramatically and He made it into the Last Supper, the Initiation of the Eucharist.  He became the New Covenant.  He made it possible for us to have a relationship with God.  

Now at the Last Supper Jesus said "Eat my body and drink my blood" this statement would have been empty if it was not for the cross he would later endure because at the Cross he gave up His body for us and poured out His blood for us. The Eucharist and the Cross are both gifts that are freely given to us from Christ.   The cross and the Eucharist are intimately connected without either of these the other does not make sense.  The connection between the two is amazing to meditate on. 

"The Body of Christ" "Amen"  That "amen" becomes such an automatic response when receiving Communion do we really know what it means?   We don't translate this word because it has so many meanings.  Some of them include: "Yes, I believe!", "Let it be done unto me.", "I want to live for you" are just a few the speaker mentioned.  Amen is a covenant word.  A word that invites us to have a relationship with Christ. St. Augustine said that when we receive communion we need to pause and be ready to lay down our lives for Christ just as He laid down His life for us.  Are we ready to do that when we say "amen"?  Are we ready to die for Christ as He died for us?  Pause for a moment before receiving the Eucharist next time and fully ask yourself those questions.  Remember when you are saying Amen you are saying "Lord Jesus I fully believe that you are present in the Eucharist, Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity and I am willing to live for you and to die for you do with me as you will."

The presenter then asked us to enter into a time for worship and to lay all of our faults, sins, hurts etc. at the feet of Jesus and the band played this song... Lay it Down Jesus was so present in that room!  Teens were lifting their hands toward the massive crucifix on the wall.  You saw some walls being torn down and they were truly laying their burdens down at Christ's feet!  It was a beautiful sight.

THE AGONY IN THE GARDEN

The Agony in the Garden shows the extent at which Christ loves us and His desire to do the Father's will not His own.  Let us continue reading what the Gospel of Mark has to say...

 They came to a place named Gethsemane; and He said to His disciples, "Sit here until I have prayed."And He took with Him Peter and James and John, and began to be very distressed and troubled. And He said to them, "My soul is deeply grieved to the point of death; remain here and keep watch." And He went a little beyond them, and fell to the ground and began to pray that if it were possible, the hour might pass Him by. And He was saying, "Abba! Father! All things are possible for You; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You will." And He came and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, "Simon, are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour? "Keep watching and praying that you may not come into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Again He went away and prayed, saying the same words.
 And again He came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were very heavy; and they did not know what to answer Him. And He came the third time, and said to them, "Are you still sleeping and resting? It is enough; the hour has come; behold, the Son of Man is being betrayed into the hands of sinners. "Get up, let us be going; behold, the one who betrays Me is at hand!" Immediately while He was still speaking, Judas, one of the twelve, came up accompanied by a crowd with swords and clubs, who were from the chief priests and the scribes and the elders. Now he who was betraying Him had given them a signal, saying, "Whomever I kiss, He is the one; seize Him and lead Him away under guard." After coming, Judas immediately went to Him, saying, "Rabbi!" and kissed Him. They laid hands on Him and seized Him. But one of those who stood by drew his sword, and struck the slave of the high priest and cut off his ear. And Jesus said to them, "Have you come out with swords and clubs to arrest Me, as you would against a robber?  "Every day I was with you in the temple teaching, and you did not seize Me; but this has taken place to fulfill the Scriptures." And they all left Him and fled. 

The presented posed an interesting questions, "How do you think Peter, James and John felt?"  These three have always seen Jesus in control of the situation.  They have never seen Him cry out to the Father as He was doing while in the Garden.  Never once have they seen Him sweating blood through His skin.  That is why they slept because they could not deal with the reality of the suffering that Jesus was experiencing at this time. I could only imagine how it felt for them to see their master in this state and they could do nothing to help Him.  

There are many lessons that one can learn from Christ during the Agony in the Garden.  One of them being, how to pray in your most desperate times. Christ knew he was going to be betrayed with a kiss by Judas and then handed over to the Pharisees.  Instead of escaping He prayed.  He cried out to God the Father.  He was feeling the weight of the sins of the whole world on His shoulders.  He continued to pray! His prayer was one of complete surrender to the Father's will.  He asked that the Father remove the cup from Him but He also prayed that He would do the Father's will not His own.  In our own life we need to remember to do God's will not our own even in times of trial.  It is important in our own prayer that we pray both parts. "I want what you want"  It is amazing when our prayer life goes from always asking God for our wants to asking God what He wants and being open to His answer.  I was reflecting on this because it was when my prayer started making that shift was when I  began being more open to what God wanted concerning my vocation.  I was more able to hear Him and His will.  We need to be constantly asking the Father what He wants.  

The presenter then challenged us to always remember to praise God even in the hard times because He is always there. Sonar played this song for us to worship with: Blessed Be Your Name but they did tone it way down to keep with the soft meditative feel.  Once again the Spirit was moving in the crowd and people were responding. I could still sense that some teens were holding back and not allowing God to do His work in them.  He is a gentleman and will wait and as always He did.  

JUDGMENT AND SUFFERING OF JESUS

We have now come to Good Friday. This is the only day in the year that Mass is not being celebrated anywhere around the world.  Good Friday is the day we remember the suffering and death of Christ.  Let us look now at the Gospel of John..

Therefore Pilate entered again into the Praetorium, and summoned Jesus and said to Him, "Are You the King of the Jews?" Jesus answered, "Are you saying this on your own initiative, or did others tell you about Me?" Pilate answered, "I am not a Jew, am I? Your own nation and the chief priests delivered You to me; what have You done?" Jesus answered, "My kingdom is not of this world. If My kingdom were of this world, then My servants would be fighting so that I would not be handed over to the Jews; but as it is, My kingdom is not of this realm." Therefore Pilate said to Him, "So You are a king?" Jesus answered, "You say correctly that I am a king For this I have been born, and for this I have come into the world, to testify to the truth everyone who is of the truth hears My voice." Pilate said to Him, "What is truth?" And when he had said this, he went out again to the Jews and said to them, "I find no guilt in Him. But you have a custom that I release someone for you at the Passover; do you wish then that I release for you the King of the Jews?" So they cried out again, saying, "Not this Man, but Barabbas." Now Barabbas was a robber. Pilate then took Jesus and scourged Him. And the soldiers twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on His head, and put a purple robe on Him; and they began to come up to Him and say, "Hail, King of the Jews!" and to give Him slaps in the face. Pilate came out again and said to them, "Behold, I am bringing Him out to you so that you may know that I find no guilt in Him." Jesus then came out, wearing the crown of thorns and the purple robe. Pilate said to them, "Behold, the Man!"  So when the chief priests and the officers saw Him, they cried out saying, "Crucify, crucify!" Pilate said to them, "Take Him yourselves and crucify Him, for I find no guilt in Him." The Jews answered him, "We have a law, and by that law He ought to die because He made Himself out to be the Son of God." Therefore when Pilate heard this statement, he was even more afraid; and he entered into the Praetorium again and said to Jesus, "Where are You from?" But Jesus gave him no answer. So Pilate said to Him, "You do not speak to me? Do You not know that I have authority to release You, and I have authority to crucify You?" Jesus answered, "You would have no authority over Me, unless it had been given you from above; for this reason he who delivered Me to you has the greater sin." As a result of this Pilate made efforts to release Him, but the Jews cried out saying, "If you release this Man, you are no friend of Caesar; everyone who makes himself out to be a king opposes Caesar." Therefore when Pilate heard these words, he brought Jesus out, and sat down on the judgment seat at a place called The Pavement, but in Hebrew, Gabbatha. Now it was the day of preparation for the Passover; it was about the sixth hour And he said to the Jews, "Behold, your King!" So they cried out, "Away with Him, away with Him, crucify Him!" Pilate said to them, "Shall I crucify your King?" The chief priests answered, "We have no king but Caesar." So he then handed Him over to them to be crucified. They took Jesus, therefore, and He went out, bearing His own cross, to the place called the Place of a Skull, which is called in Hebrew, Golgotha. There they crucified Him, and with Him two other men, one on either side, and Jesus in between.  Pilate also wrote an inscription and put it on the cross. It was written, "JESUS THE NAZARENE, THE KING OF THE JEWS." Therefore many of the Jews read this inscription, for the place where Jesus was crucified was near the city; and it was written in Hebrew, Latin and in Greek.  So the chief priests of the Jews were saying to Pilate, "Do not write, 'The King of the Jews'; but that He said, 'I am King of the Jews.'" Pilate answered, "What I have written I have written." Then the soldiers, when they had crucified Jesus, took His outer garments and made four parts, a part to every soldier and also the tunic; now the tunic was seamless, woven in one piece. So they said to one another, "Let us not tear it, but cast lots for it, to decide whose it shall be"; this was to fulfill the Scripture: "THEY DIVIDED MY OUTER GARMENTS AMONG THEM, AND FOR MY CLOTHING THEY CAST LOTS." Therefore the soldiers did these things. But standing by the cross of Jesus were His mother, and His mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus then saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to His mother, "Woman, behold, your son!" Then He said to the disciple, "Behold, your mother!" From that hour the disciple took her into his own household. After this, Jesus, knowing that all things had already been accomplished, to fulfill the Scripture, said, "I am thirsty."  A jar full of sour wine was standing there; so they put a sponge full of the sour wine upon a branch of hyssop and brought it up to His mouth. Therefore when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, "It is finished!" And He bowed His head and gave up His spirit.

 Wow! This Gospel is passage is always so moving.  To know that Christ had to suffer like this for all of us so that we may have life.  It truly astonishes me.  

We notice that once Jesus surrenders to what His fate is to be he has a sense of peace knowing that He is doing this out of love for each one of us.  His love and the love of the Father called for a pure sacrifice because He knew that we could not do it on our own.  

Suffering is measured by the person's ability to suffer.  Suffering is all relative to the person.  Christ, because He is both fully man and fully God (the hypostatic union), suffered more than anyone else. His creation is condemning Him to die.  He created Pilate, he created the one's shouting "Crucify him", He created the pharisees, he created you and I.  And He suffered for all of us, His creation.  He suffered out of love for us.  How amazing is that love.  He calls each and everyone of us to His love and all He asks in return for that love is our love.  We are called to love and to be loved!   

At anytime during His suffering He could have ended it.  He could have called ten thousand angels down but alas He did not get distracted.  He desired to suffer out of love for His creation.  Each moment He was walking to Golgotha and every moment He was on the cross He was remembering us, His beloved.  He desired us to be free from sin.  He poured everything He was out for us.  He used His whole body to suffer and die for us so we should use our whole body to worship Him.  In everything that we do we need to be honoring Him and expressing our gratitude for His gift.  

Then Sonar played Amazing Love.

Many people finally opened up and allowed God's love to just come as a flood over them.  They allowed His peace to swell up in them.  People began worshiping with their whole bodies.  It was a beautiful thing but not the most beautiful thing the whole evening; that was about to come...

The priest then asked us all to kneel as he went to go get the Blessed Sacrament for Adoration.  He asked us to prepare our hearts.  To reflect and meditate on the Amazing Love that Christ has for each of us.  The time between when he left and when he brought Jesus into the room felt like an eternity.  My whole body yearned to see Him, my Savior, my Love, my One Desire.  Despite the fact that the gym floor was hard and cold, my body never once wanted to stop kneeling in anxious anticipation of Christ.  The moment that I first saw the monstrance coming in from the far end of the room I knew that the moment of waiting was over.  He was physically present in our midst.  As I gazed upon Him as the priest said an opening prayer all I could think about was His love and how beautiful He was.  His love allows me to do everything that I do, including simply taking a breath.  Then Sonar began playing one of my favorite Christian songs, How He Loves Us, this song always makes me think of how amazing God's love is.  It does not matter how many times I hear it.  God's love began to fill up my entire body and all I could do was smile and look at the Blessed Sacrament with love. 

We then entered a time of silence and I remember just telling Jesus how much that I loved Him and thanked Him for all that He has done.  I kept asking the Holy Spirit to come upon all those in this room.  The priest then told us that silence is valuable but sometimes it is important to say our prayers out loud.  He invited us all to begin praying out loud and the room came alive with whispers of the prayers that people were saying.  A year ago, I would not have been able to do this and would have felt very uncomfortable but this time I was able to trust God and give Him my worship freely.  I was allowing the Holy Spirit to be a part of my worship and my prayer.  Then the lead singer of Sonar began playing chords and lifting his voice in praise to our God.  The priest then invited us to do the same thing. This past month I have been struggling with my voice to keep a pure and consistent tone, the joys of being sick, and I was able to as I sung my praise to God.  I do not remember all that I prayed but it was a wonderful feeling.  I was then given the gift of laughter and joy.  I am not terribly charismatic so this was definitely a new experience for me but a good one that is for sure. I could not stop laughing and smiling and having this feeling of joy and pure happiness.  I know that this joy can only come from God alone. We worshiped God with music for a few more songs ending with Fire Fall Down which had almost everyone standing and reaching out toward the monstrance desiring nothing but Christ.  The Holy Spirit was really working on all those in the room.  Words cannot describe the emotion in that room. WOW!!!

Then at the end of the song we were all asked to kneel as the Benediction, the Divine Praises, and closing prayer were done and then Jesus was taken out of the room but as the Blessed Sacrament passed the people many were moved to reach out toward the Blessed Sacrament as if to touch the monstrance even if they were so very far from it.  We then closed with Mighty to Save.  As the night closed we were all reminded that God loves us so much and that we need to be constantly praising His name and loving Him.  It was an amazing night as always!  

The Next Step

So many people have been wondering what the next step is for me.  How long does it take to be a Sister?  When do I receive the habit and new name?  Do you go to nun school?  So I figured I could answer some of these questions.

There are three or four Sisters who make up the formation team that will help me learn about the Scriptures, Franciscan writings and tradition, the charism of the Mother Foundress, the lives of the saints, and the documents of the Church and of the Order. The Evangelical Counsels, Mariology, writings of the spiritual masters, Church History, the Catechism of the Catholic Church, prayer, and the Theology of the Body are also a part of formation.

I will first be a ...

• Candidate-this means that I will be allowed to enter and live in the community.  I will begin learning about religious life, the charism of the community, and St. Francis
• Postulant: I will prepare for and make a simple consecration to the Blessed Virgin Mother. I will continue learning about the Holy Rule, the documents of the Congregation, elements of prayer life, the Catechism, and Scripture. 
• Novice: I will receive the habit!!!! At this point I would wear a white veil instead of a black one. My cincture, like a belt sort of, has no knots to show that she is not yet subject to vows. She receives her new religious name. I will continue to learn and try to live out what I am learning.
• Juniorate: At this point it will be around 3 years since my entrance.  At this time I would be professing the temporary vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience according to the Rule and Constitutions. I will repeat these vows annually twice more and then make vows for a final two year period before formally requesting her final vows for a total for four years!

The Beginning

I have a desire to write. So, I am going to write about the upcoming events in my life.  I have been accepted to the School Sisters of St. Francis in Panhandle, Texas.  I will hopefully be entering the convent in the summer of 2012.  But I suppose we need to start in the beginning where all good stories start. 

I was not raised in a religious family.  I knew there was a God but other than that God was not a part of my life.  I went through a series of unfortunate events which led me to believe that God was not a loving God.  With that attitude I moved to Dothan, Alabama where I was introduced to the Catholic Church and found what my heart was longing for.  I found a loving God; He was fully present in the Eucharist.

Four years later, I officially joined the Catholic Church and received the Sacraments of Baptism, Confirmation, and Communion on April 7, 2007 at Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Milledgeville, Georgia.  In my junior year of college during the Easter Vigil Mass the idea of being a sister floated into my head.  I dismissed it as foolishness because  I wanted a nice Catholic husband and a house full of kids.  I continued to pray about what God wanted me to do.

That summer I went to Adoration weekly just to sit with the Blessed Sacrament and ask Him what He desired of me.  That summer, I also started wearing the chapel veil.  This led me to a deeper love of the Eucharist.  I did start dating a wonderful young man.  Maybe this was God saying that He did want me to be married.  I continued to pray and ask God what He wanted.  I continued to contact communities.  That summer I visited the School Sisters of St. Francis in Panhandle, Texas.  I was very nervous going there but once I arrived and settled in I fell in love with the Sisters.  But then it was time for me to leave.  I did not want to leave.

I then got a job in a little town in Minnesota as a youth minister.  By this time I was able to discern more closely that God is calling me to himself.  I asked for an application in December and returned it in February. I also scheduled another visit in March.  I was looking forward to this!  I felt like I was going home.  I was returning to were I belonged.  I spent almost a week there and loved every moment, well almost every moment.  The psychological evaluation was not all that enjoyable but it was necessary.

The day that I had to leave was very sad!  I did not want to leave.  I felt as if I was leaving my family once again.  I felt like this is where I was supposed to be.  I knew that my job was not done in Minnesota.  So, I returned back to my teens still unsure if I had been accepted or not.

Two weeks, or so later, I found out that I had been accepted!  Now that brings us to today.

I ask that you continue to pray for me as I go through this journey.  You are all in my prayers.