Two Months and Fifteen Days

Wow!  Time sure has flown by and I cannot believe that I will be entering with the School Sisters of St. Francis in Panhandle, Texas in two and a half months.  The Lord has been so gracious and patient with me as these months have gone by.  I am so excited to be entering but nervous at the same time.  This will be a huge change and now it is suddenly upon me.  Lately, a lot of the older folks in the parish have been asking if I was still sure that I wanted to enter and the answer is already yes.  People are so astounded that I continue to want to pursue the Lord's calling to this very different life than I already have.  I am happy and I am excited!  I am looking forward to entrance.  :)  

So what has been up these last few months...EDGE and Life Teen are officially over.  The last day was quite bittersweet.  I love my teens and my middle school youth, yes even the one's who drive me insane.  They are a wonderful bunch of youth who are so full of God and are so beautiful. They have taught me so much about the Lord and how to trust in Him.  They have also taught me about being spontaneous and that it is ok.  I know that I must leave them now and let someone else bring them closer to Christ!  We are in the process of hiring someone now.  God is so faithful!  

So my mood now is sad but with a joyful heart!  I will miss them dearly but the Lord is in control! The Lord of Love is calling me to Himself how can I not be joyful!

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

So this is another question that I get quite often!  Who picks your name?  What are you going to pick?  Etc.

This is the deal with my religious name.  I will submit 3 names to the Regional Superior before I become a novice as I will receive it at that point.  Out of those 3 names the Superior can choose one of those names or pick another name for me.  That saint's feast day will become my feast day.  So, you are probably thinking what names am I considering...drum roll please.....

My first choice.....Sr. Mary Clara...I love St. Clare and how brave, humble, loving, and completely devoted to the Lord in prayer. She also had a joyful heart and a model of femininity.

 

The second name that I am considering now... Sr. Mary Rose for Our Lady of the Rosary/Our Lady of Victory. As I have progressed in my vocation  the Rosary and the Blessed Mother have helped me draw closer to her Son and to His will.  

And the third...this one has changed many many times.  I have thought about Faustina, Bernadette, and a slew of others but currently the one that has really stuck and sounds amazing...Sr. Mary Gabriel for the Archangel Gabriel.  He was the messenger of God who delivered the annunciation of the birth of Jesus to Mary.  I desire to be a messenger of God and to carry His words with me at all times.  

So what are your thoughts? 

You Can't Have Sex...What?

This is a question that I get on a rather frequent basis about the vow of celibacy...Many times people believe that it is a rejection or a denial of our sexuality.  In all reality it is a fulfillment of our God given sexuality.  But lets us begin in Scripture.

For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.” (Mat. 9:12)

An "eunuch" is someone who cannot have physical sexual relations for one reason or another.  This scripture tells us that there are some people who are born unable to have sex, then there are people who man made unable to have sex (castration), and then people who chose to live a celibate life to further the kingdom of God.

First thing is first...we must talk about the nuptial meaning of the body.  However, we cannot do this without recognizing that our bodies are good and sexual relations are good!    The Lord created us male and female and using a beautiful spousal analogy He created us to be in a spousal relationship with Him out of His love for us.  Christ left his Father in Heaven and His mother, Mary, to be joined with His Bride, the Church, all out of love for us.  In Heaven there wont be anyone married to another (Matt. 22) but when we, hopefully, get to Heaven we will experience the marriage of the Lamb. (Rev. 19:7).  Our hearts desire to live in complete communion with God. Earthly marriage is preparation for the ultimate marriage in heaven. People who choose to be celibate they are in a way skipping over the earthly marriage to experience heavenly marriage here on earth. 

Now let us get back to celibacy for the kingdom. One does not accept celibacy for their sake it is for the sake of the Kingdom.  And not all people are called to live this particular vocation...if we all were then our species would die out pretty quickly.  It is also important to mention that neither vocation is better or more holy than the other and each vocation is needed for the other to succeed.  When one becomes unbalanced then the other becomes unbalanced and that is not good for anyone. 

Now let's look at another Scripture

"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife--and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit." I Corinthians 7:32-34

This is another aspect of why women who are being called to an intimate and deep love relationship with the Lord live a celibate lifestyle.  It allows them to devote their entire lives to Christ and the Lord and make His concerns their concerns.  It allows them to pray as the ought and even more for those who cannot pray as they ought.  They are able to freely be the hands and feet of the Lord without having to be concerned about their family and worldly things.  To belong completely to the Lord and His service as His bride is such a beautiful calling but then again so is marriage!

The main thing to remember is that we are called to a life of holiness regardless if we are called to marriage, religious life, or the single life.  We are all called to love the Lord with our whole hearts, minds, and souls. Our first and primary vocation is the universal call to holiness!  "Be Not Afraid"  

A Little Snippet

I thought I would share a little snippet of something that just happened.  Before I go there, I must mention that the Lord really loves to send me little messages about my vocation and what He desires from me.  I have been working on two books and a packet for the Laboure Society, the organization that will be helping me fund raise so that I will be able to enter next year on time. It is a wonderful society!

Now for the snippet!  I was working on the "Your Vision Sheet" and most of the packet I have had to change it up a bit because most of their questions dealt with missionaries going overseas and not people entering religious life.  Now here is the question: "What is the personal vision God has given you to fulfill the Great Commission?"  I was praying with these questions because who else would my answers come from and the response that I received.  "Go and be My bride and love My young children by educating them in My ways with a joyful spirit in the way of St. Francis."

So if I was doubting even a bit this really confirmed my vocation to the School Sisters of St. Francis.  They love the Lord, they educate the young children in the way of the Lord and they do this all with a joyful spirit in the ways of St. Francis!  

The Lord is so faithful and so amazing! Now I must get back to work on these worksheets!  Please pray for me this weekend as I go to this conference.  God bless you all!

On the Feast of St. Francis

Today is the Feast Day of St. Francis of Assisi.  If I was with the Sisters we would be celebrating his feast day!  I cannot wait to be with the Sisters next year to celebrate it with them.  St. Francis of Assisi is a beloved saint and probably one of the most well known saints.  But most people do not know too much about him.  Many know that he is the patron saint of animals and pets or he is the "first hippie" but there is so much more behind this amazing man of God.

St. Francis was born in 1181 or 1182. He was born to a wealthy cloth merchant in Assisi, Italy.  Young Francis was a man of the world.  He wanted everything that the world could offer him and much more.  He was what you would call a party animal.  St. Francis also wanted to be knight!  So he went off to fight in Perguia and was defeated in that battle and taken prisoner.  He was held for a year before he was ransomed by his father.  After being nursed back to health, he went off to battle again because of his desire to be a knight. 

His father bought him expensive armor and clothes.  On his first night of his journey he had a dream to return to Assisi.   He followed the promptings and returned home to much taunting. He gave his armor to a poor solider who was not as lucky to have good armor on his way home. Francis returned to his past life but the Lord had been working on him. Francis no longer felt the same joy he did prior to his dream.  Francis began to pray more and was forced to wait upon the Lord to show him His will.  The Lord's grace was overwhelming his soul and was being filled with pure joy!  

On a ride through the country side, Francis saw a leper.  He would have been typically very turned off by the leper but instead he embraced the leper and kissed his hands.  He was instantly filled with joy!  As he got on his horse and road away and looked back the leper had disappeared.  The Lord had put him to the test and St. Francis passed the test.  

The Lord led him to a little run down country church, San Damiano.  While he was there the crucifix spoke to him saying "Francis, repair my church." Francis believed the Lord was asking him to rebuild San Damiano, the crumbling church he was sitting in.  Francis responded quickly and impulsively.  He went and took all the fabric from his father's business and sold them to raise money to help rebuild the church.  Once is father found out he took his son in front of the bishop and accused his son of theft. The bishop told him to return the money and that the Lord will provide.  With that Francis stripped everything off and said "Pietro Bernardone is no longer my father. From now on I can say with complete freedom, 'Our Father who art in heaven.'" Francis was a free man.  He took the brown rough habit of a beggar and retreated from the city back to San Damiano.  

Francis began begging for stones to rebuild the church.  As he went out and begged and preached, men began to join him because they desired his radical lifestyle.  Francis quickly recognized that he needed a direction for his little community.  He opened the Bible to three places, the story of the rich young man, Jesus telling his apostles to take nothing on their journey, and finally take up your cross daily.  He told his companions that this would be their rule.  His Rule was straight from the Gospel. 

St. Clare of Assisi asked to join the friars but Francis told her no because the life was too hard for her.  Eventually he prepared a place for her and she ran away from her family and joined the friars as a nun.  Soon many young women came to join her and the Order of the Poor Clares was started.

Men began to go out and preach the Gospel to others.  People at first were terrified of the beggars in rags.  But people were drawn to them because they were so joyful and this joy comes only from the Lord.  Francis had to go and ask the pope for permission to continue their community.  The pope sent him away at first because of his appearance but had a dream that told him to go and listen to this poor beggar.  The pope granted him permission to continue his community. 

Francis also traveled to Syria to convert the Muslims.  He knew that there was a good chance that he would be martyred but he survived and preached the Gospel to the sultan.  The sultan told Francis that he would convert but it would cost both of them their lives.

Many people know St. Francis as a nature lover and a friend to all creatures.  One of the stories that is often told about St. Francis was that he preached to the birds and they remained still and listening until he dismissed them.  Another story about Francis says that a wolf was terrorizing a village and killing it's residents.  St. Francis spoke to the wolf and told him to stop hurting the villagers.  The villagers provided the wolf with food and he never attacked again. 

Near the end of his life Francis prayed that he could share in Christ's passion and the Lord granted his prayer by having him receive the stigmata, the wounds of Christ.  After extreme poverty and wondering throughout the world he was struck with blindness and the bishop ordered that he be operated on and he prayed to "Brother Fire" to be merciful and when they cauterized his face he did not feel any pain.  Eventually, Francis died from his illnesses on October 4 1226 at the age of 45. 

On his feast day let us remember some of his wisest sayings:

"Above all the grace and the gifts that Christ gives to his beloved is that of overcoming self."

"Grant me the treasure of sublime poverty: permit the distinctive sign of our order to be that it does not possess anything of its own beneath the sun, for the glory of your name, and that it have no other patrimony than begging."

"I have been all things unholy. If God can work through me, he can work through anyone"

"If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men."

"No one is to be called an enemy, all are your benefactors, and no one does you harm. You have no enemy except yourselves."

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible."

"While you are proclaiming peace with your lips, be careful to have it even more fully in your heart."

"Preach the Gospel at all times, when necessary use words."

Nun Run

This past week I told myself and two of me teen girls on a Nun Run. A Nun Run is where a handful of girls go and visit a few convents for a short visit to each one.  We started at OLV parking lot all in one piece and ready for any exciting adventure down to Texas and  back up! As you can see by the picture we started out nice and perky and ready for anything. 

The first day, we went to Omaha, Nebraska.  We learned of the horrible flooding in Iowa and that general area.  We got rerouted because I-29 was closed for parts of it so we got to see a beautiful Iowan countryside.  There is lots of corn in Iowa.  We ate at Fatburger for supper and it was absolutely wonderful for a burger place.  

We then headed to our hotel for the night!  I had a really nice room but for some reason the girl's room was not as nice as mine.  The next morning we got up bright and early to head the Sisters of St. Francis of the Most Holy Eucharist.  They were a beautiful community. We got to spend some time with Sr. Mary Clare and the other Sisters.  We learned about their community, St. Francis, and how this particular community lives. One of their apostolates is sending things that are donated to people around the world. The crucifix is from their retreat house.  The girls rated this community number 2 on their rank of communities.The pictures are of different things around the convent and the girls with the Sisters...

 

The next morning we got up bright and early and did morning prayer with the community and had breakfast with them.  We were then heading out to Tulsa Oklahoma to visit the Benedictines there.  They were a great community as well.  Their main apostolate was teaching and nursing.  We met with Sr. Catherine and she had a few activities lined up for us to do with the community.  She taught us the difference between a monastery and a convent. She also taught us how to determine a St. Benedict statue.  We also learned about how Benedictines value community and hospitality.  There is always someone on call to answer the door if someone was to knock or ring the door bell.  That was really nifty.  They did do the Liturgy of the Hours a little different than I am use to. Sr. Catherine taught the girls how to make Rope Rosaries.  I really struggled with this but I was diligent and got 3 knots!  Oh yes!!!  (We wont discuss how the girls had pretty much finished at least one decade!)

The next morning we went off and started the long drive to Panhandle, Texas to visit my Sisters!  Now picture this...Brianna in the back making a Rosary, Nikki writing in her journal, Christian music playing in the background and all of a sudden blue lights...yes blue lights.  After getting to the right and pulling over a very nice state trooper came over and explained why he pulled me over...he had been following me for 1.5 miles and I had stayed in the left lane instead of getting over right away and Oklahoma had passed a law a few years ago that one must get over immediately after passing someone.  I am curious if he did not notice the MINNESOTA license plates.  Well he asked where we were headed and I told him "Panhandle, Texas to visit the School Sisters of St. Francis."  His response, "Sisters...like nuns."  Me: "Yeah, I will be entering that community in a year." Him: "So you're a nun." Me: "Not yet but in a year's time I will enter the community to be a nun."  Him: "Well I can't give a nun a ticket."  I just smile and he walked away with my license to check on everything.  Of course it was all good.  He approached the car again and asked how one becomes a Sister and talked a little longer about the Nun Run and told us he was Catholic and then asked us to pray for him and all three of us agree.  So, if you are reading this now stop here and say a quick prayer for this very kind and amazing officer. So in a way we were evangelizing on the highway.  

So after that I stayed in the right hand lane unless I was passing and then got over quickly.  Yes, I was paranoid for the entire trip.  We finally made it to Groom, Texas where there is a massive (19 stories tall) cross that can be seen from miles.  It is a Catholic thing but most people who come are Protestant.  There are the living Stations of the Cross, a replica of the Shroud of Turin, and some other really amazing statues.  It is a work in progress but almost complete.  

We meet up another group there and Sr. Mary Michael.  She brought her youth group to visit the Panhandle Franciscans too.  Here is a picture of all of us at the Cross...

Sr. Mary Michael also taught the girls how to finish the rosary which included teaching them how to use a lighter. (2nd picture)  Sr. Mary Michael, the girls and I all agree that rosary making is not one of my gifts.  I will let the girls do that.  The top picture is of Nikki and Sr. Celine.  Nikki accidentally sprayed Sr. Celine with the water hose while doing dishes.  The third picture is of Crystal, the newest Candidate to the School Sisters of St. Francis, and I doing our "Trouble with Angels" pose. And the last picture is all of us plus Sr. Mary Michael together. 

We then headed to Wichita where we spent a few short hours at a mall having a little bit too much fun! I think we scared a few folks.  Then to a yummy in the tummy dinner.

  And then we quickly hopped back on the road to head to our hotel for the evening. In this time we made a 3 minute potty break.  The girls had their seat belts off and the door open even before the car came to a complete stop.  By the time I unbuckled Brianna and Nikki were both out of the car and all three of us were literally running up to the bathroom.  We quickly did our business, washed hands and ran back to the car.  Yup we did it in three minutes.  The poor guy who was waiting for something must have thought we were nuts.  But it was fun times!

The next morning we headed to the Yankton Benedictines.  They were the largest and the only non-habited sisters.  All the other communities either had a habit or at least a veil.  We had a lot of fun with the Sisters.  We played games, talked, had supper, prayed with them and of course asked questions.  They took us to the dam that is right near by and wow!  It was something.  All of us got to ring the gong that usually calls people to prayer! 

The next morning we all jumped in the car and headed home to our nice beds!  We were thoroughly exhausted!Our after pictures!

The Stepping Stones

So I know it has been awhile since I have written.  I have been super busy with work, home, and life in general.  I have now moved to a beautiful apartment that I love...it has hot water!  Small victories in life.

I was challenged to write down my stepping stones to me belie am called to be a Sister by my Spiritual Director.  There are a great many stepping stones I am sure and some that I do not even know now but the Holy Spirit continues to reveal them to me as I continue to pray and ask Him for His guidance.  So I am going to try to go through some of these stepping stones now.

The first major stepping stone was first being introduced into the Church through a Life Teen Mass and a Life Night.  I felt a call to the Eucharist.  I knew that the Eucharist was not a something but a someone.  I continued to read Scripture and compare what the Church taught to the Scriptures.  It all made perfect sense. 

The next major stepping stone was when I went to a youth conference in Montgomery with my youth group. During Adoration I finally acknowledged that Christ loves me, died for me, and that He wanted me to be in full communion with His Church.  I supposed you could say "I let Him into my heart"  something the Protestants had been trying to get me to do up to this point.  This all happened on my 14th birthday.  It was the best birthday I could ask for.

The next stepping stone would be me coming into the Church.  It was April 7, 2007.  I was baptized, received the gifts of the Holy Spirit in Confirmation and then finally received Jesus, Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity, in the Eucharist for the first time.  I was filled with His grace and love.  It was a magical night for me.  I knew that I was a new person.

The next stepping stone would be working with SHYNE.  I began to realize that I love working with teens and teaching them the faith.  I enjoyed being that spiritual mother to them (I did not know this is what I was doing at the time. I just thought that I was being a good friend to them)

Then I heard it!  I had just received Jesus in the Eucharist during the Easter Vigil 2 years after I came into the Church.  I do not remember what exactly I heard that time but I think it was as simple as God putting the idea of being a Sister into my head.  It kinda freaked me out at first because I am not worthy to be a Sister and i was still young in my faith.  Really young.  I was still a toddler if you wanted to think about it in that sense.  I remember not knowing what to do next.

So like a good daughter I go to my college dad, Deacon Cesar.  I went to him and explained to him what had happened and what I was thinking.  He then gave me a book to help look through communities and he told me to pray and to remember that just because I am thinking about it does not mean that I am supposed to be a Sister.

I started looking at different communities.  I filled out a form that was like a dating site only it matched the discerners with communities.  I received a lot of matches back and lots of email messages and mailings.  I was continued to search for communities that I was interested in and that I was drawn too.  At first I thought I wanted to be a Dominican but realized that they were missing the type of joy that I was looking for.  They had joy but not the type I wanted.

Then I stumbled upon the Panhandle Franciscans' website.  It made me cry as I looked at the pictures and watched the videos.  They had the joy that I wanted.  I remember sitting at the computer in tears and just praying and asking God if I could have that type of joy.  So I contacted them or they contacted me (not really sure) but as I began a relationship with Sr. Mary Michael I was beginning to see the joy.

I continued to pray and go to Adoration.  I kept hearing "Will you marry Me?" or "Will you be My bride?" or "Follow me!"  That seriously had an effect on me.  So I knew that I had to continue to discern.

During my senior year, I met a very nice gentleman and we began to date.  It was a very interesting relationship but I began to have doubts because I was still discerning religious life.
 
In the Summer of 2010 I went to visit the School Sisters which was a HUGE stepping stone.  I finally got to experience what it was like to be at a convent.  I got to see what it felt like to live among the Sisters.  I loved it there.  I was not one hundred percent sure that is where I was supposed to be.  However, I did have a wonderful conversation with Sr. Mary Ana.  She told me about convent life, being a Sister.  We talked about my story.  I remember her telling me that whenever I was ready I could ask for an application.  I told her at that time I was not ready.  I was sad to leave but alas it was time.

Then I moved to Minnesota to be a youth minister.  This is not how I planned my life to be like right out of college.  I was planning on being an elementary school teacher.  But God, as always, laughed at my plans and asked me to do what He desired of me and that meant to move to the "frozen tundra" aka Minnesota.  By living in Minnesota I have been given the space needed to discern and to recognize where God desires me to be. 

Then in November I broke up with the gentleman because it was obvious where God wanted me to be.  I got the overwhelming feeling that I needed to apply or at least have the application. I asked Sr. Mary Michael for one and received one in the mail and I was so excited


The next stepping stone was visiting again in March.  As I was traveling I was feeling as if i was going home not just visiting.

I applied and here we are now playing the waiting game for entrance!

I am sure there are more but as for now these are what I have come up with.  :)